The Top 10 Blonde Inventions Note: I have NOTHING against blondes I am a blonde. I just thought these were entertaining. 1) The water-proof towel 2) The solar-powered flashlight 3) A submarine screen door 4) A book on how to read 5) An inflatable dart board 6) A dictionary index 7) An ejector seat for a helicopter 8) Powered water 9) Pedal-powered wheel chair 10) Water-proof tea bags (I don't know where I got these from so if these are yours please email us and I'll link you!) Job Application NOTE: This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida. - and they hired him because he was so honest and funny! NAME: Greg Bulmash DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place. DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. EDUCATION: Yes. LAST POSITION HELD: Target of middle management hostility. SALARY: Less than I'm worth. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. REASON FOR LEAVING: It s*cked. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30 - 3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment. MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here? DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: 50 lbs of what? DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?" HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes. DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now. DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely. SIGN HERE: Aries.